Last winter,
after a number of threats to the Jewish community, I found myself reflecting on
the very raw feelings of being scared. In giving it some thought, I realized
that fear is a very complex thing. It can reside within us as a constant
companion or sneak up from nowhere and rob us of our breath. So often fear is
lined with a sense of powerlessness, a lack of control over our surroundings,
over others, even over ourselves. And what do we do with this, when we are overcome
with fear, physically awash in the tingling sensation, numb, yet intensely
feeling? How do we both recognize this important warning of some sort of danger
and remain engaged in our lives, in our values, in our struggles? I didn’t have
these answers last winter, and I continue to wrestle with it now.
More
recently, I have had cause to reflect in a different way- on the ways that fear
can become more common place, so much a part of the fabric of our lives, that
we fail to notice its presence most of the time. A recent social media campaign
asked women to self-identify if they have been harassed or assaulted due to
their gender. While many simply (and bravely) acknowledged having this
experience, others made comments about how this was just a part of the fabric
of life- that the expectation of being
harassed was not something they considered often, because it was ever present. In this way, fear can become so pervasive it’s
imperceptible. What impact does this
ever-present experience of fear have on the psyche?
I think this
insidious experience of fear is also a part of people’s lives in other ways. Those
who are targeted for harassment or abuse for reasons of identity- be it racial,
religious, or something else- have expressed much the same. Still others may
find they are living with fear that is more individual in nature. Whichever it
is, when one has been the focus of animosity over significant amounts of time-
be it years or millenia, one can become numb to the prickle of fear in the
everyday. Perhaps this is better than feeling continually anxious. Perhaps
growing numb allows us to be active in our lives. But I wonder what the cost
is? Do we become complacent? Do we begin to accept the culture of harassment in which we live? The question of the whether the
trade-offs are worthwhile is likely an individual one. However, if you are ever
struggling with this question, or are finding yourself out of balance, there
are people to talk to… including your Kesher social worker. Sometimes a simple
conversation can be a great first step toward naming a problem and beginning to
find a solution.
Rose Murrin, LICSW, is the Kesher social
worker at Congregation Beth Sholom.
Kesher is the congregational outreach program of Jewish Family Service
of Rhode Island, funded by the Jewish Alliance of Greater Rhode Island, and
currently active at Congregation Agudas Achim, Temple Torat Yisrael, Temple
Emanu-El and Congregation Beth
Sholom. Tara may be reached at
401-331-1244 or rose@jfsri.org.
