Stress and the Power of “May be”

This month's reflection is written by my colleague, Amy Small, LICSW... Enjoy.

 

Stress and the Power of “May be”

                Stress is a part of life.  It can be helpful in protecting us from danger or pushing us to prepare for something new or difficult.  More often, though, we experience it as a negative burden in our lives.  Sometimes there is a low level ongoing that can go almost undetected because we are so used to it.  Other times, we feel overwhelmed by a big change or challenge.  Neither of these scenarios gives us a sense of wellbeing. 

Beyond feeling “stressed”, we may not realize it, but stress is taking a toll on our bodies too.  We are not built to withstand the constant experience of stress.  If our nervous system is in an ongoing state of alertness and activation, we are flooded with stress chemicals on a long-term basis.  This spells trouble for many of the systems in our bodies including the musculoskeletal, respiratory, cardiovascular, endocrine, gastrointestinal, nervous and even reproductive systems!  (http://www.apa.org/helpcenter/stress-body.aspx)

We can’t escape stress, so how do we deal with it?  The best-case scenario is that we would do what other animals do: experience the stress, get flooded with stress chemicals to help us respond to the stressor, and then return to a relaxed state and allow our bodies to recover physiologically.  When we feel that we don’t have the resources to cope with a stressor, that is often when stress becomes problematic.  This can lead to negative and overwhelming thoughts that keep stress alive in our minds and bodies.  We can support our bodies in managing stress in many ways such as deep breathing and exercise, but we can also support our minds.  I would like to share with you a story that I always enjoy that reminds me to be non-judgmental of my circumstances and to let go of the negative stories my mind likes to weave.      

There is a Taoist story of an old farmer who had worked his crops for many years. One day his horse ran away. Upon hearing the news, his neighbors came to visit. "Such bad luck," they said sympathetically. "May be," the farmer replied.

The next morning the horse returned, bringing with it three other wild horses. "How wonderful," the neighbors exclaimed. "May be," replied the old man.

The following day, his son tried to ride one of the untamed horses, was thrown, and broke his leg. The neighbors again came to offer their sympathy on his misfortune. "May be," answered the farmer.

The day after, military officials came to the village to draft young men into the army. Seeing that the son's leg was broken, they passed him by. The neighbors congratulated the farmer on how well things had turned out. "May be," said the farmer.

I invite you to reflect on the thoughts that come up for you when you are met with stressful circumstances.  Notice the nature of those thoughts, the story they tell, and the effects they have.  Notice if you have an opportunity to say “May be” to yourself to keep stress at bay.  If you would like support shifting your relationship with stress, please reach out to your Kesher social worker.

Rose Murrin, LICSW, is the Kesher social worker at the synagogue.  Kesher is the congregational outreach program of Jewish Family Service of Rhode Island, funded by the Jewish Alliance of Greater Rhode Island, and currently active at Congregation Agudas Achim, Temple Torat Yisrael, Temple Emanu-El  and Congregation Beth Sholom.  Rose may be reached at rose@jfsri.org or 401-331-1244.

 

The Challenges of Caregiving

The Challenges of Caregiving

Jane to the group: “Do you ever think about what it will be like to be like them? To be on the periphery of people’s lives?”

Ruth: “All of the time.” 

This exchange occurred recently in a caregiver support group that I was running. It was an intense moment, filled with sadness over the diminishment of a parent’s abilities, both physical and social, and fear for the members’ own futures. The role of caregiver to a loved one can be both mundane and unfamiliar.  As it is with many of life’s more challenging moments and roles, people adapt, and find a rhythm of activity that fits their lives and the needs of their loved ones. However, there are times when a caregiver has a moment to reflect and diverse emotions may surface: gratitude for being able to provide, weariness at the unpredictable nature and duration of the job, an awareness that one day they too may need care, and that the need for care can be just as daunting as the provision of it. In these moments, the weight of this responsibility and its meaning may become more noticeable, more burdensome. And in these critical times, some form of support can be a sanity saver or simply the tool that allows a caregiver to continue on.

So what does this help look like? It may begin with an awareness that while many of us are happy to be care givers, we must also, at times, be care receivers.  Care or support means different things for different people. Some caregivers look for a friend or support group to lean on. Both options provide an empathetic ear, a place to express the things that not just anyone will understand, to laugh or cry or both. For others, arranging practical help with caregiving responsibilities is the appropriate reinforcement; friends and family may offer the caregiver an extra hand or momentary break, but sometimes there aren’t enough people around to meet the need. At these times, looking into a paid home care or a respite program may be a valuable option. The choices in this area are as numerous as are the types of needs.  From paying for a CNA to provide hands-on care to having a volunteer visit for a few hours per week so the caregiver can get out to see friends, run errands, or simply be alone, help is out there.

Jewish Family Service recently launched a caregiver respite program called Partners in Care, funded by Legacy Corps, that matches volunteers with caregiving families living in the community. These volunteers can provide friendly visits, companionship, participation in recreational activities and errands, and transportation.  Partners in Care strives to decrease caregiver burden and stress, and increase the potential of the caregiver to sustain loved ones at home.  Sometimes just knowing that an afternoon free is coming can help get a person through a particularly difficult or disheartening day. And perhaps the time at the salon, or the coffee shop with friends can provide the renewal needed to refocus on the joy and love in the relationship with the care receiver.

If you happen to be a caregiver, I hope you have the supports you need to live a balanced life and have the energy to lead it. If you are struggling to find what you need, please reach out. As the Kesher social worker at Congregation Beth Sholom, I am available to help at (401)331-1244 or rose@jfsri.org.

Rose Murrin, LICSW, is the Kesher social worker at Temple Congregation Beth Sholom.  Kesher is the congregational outreach program of Jewish Family Service of Rhode Island, generously funded by the Jewish Alliance of Greater Rhode Island, and currently active at Congregation Agudas Achim, Temple Torat Yisrael, Congregation Beth Sholom and Temple Emanu-El.  She can be reached at rose@jfsri.org or 401-331-1244.