The nature of fear

Last winter, after a number of threats to the Jewish community, I found myself reflecting on the very raw feelings of being scared. In giving it some thought, I realized that fear is a very complex thing. It can reside within us as a constant companion or sneak up from nowhere and rob us of our breath. So often fear is lined with a sense of powerlessness, a lack of control over our surroundings, over others, even over ourselves. And what do we do with this, when we are overcome with fear, physically awash in the tingling sensation, numb, yet intensely feeling? How do we both recognize this important warning of some sort of danger and remain engaged in our lives, in our values, in our struggles? I didn’t have these answers last winter, and I continue to wrestle with it now. 

More recently, I have had cause to reflect in a different way- on the ways that fear can become more common place, so much a part of the fabric of our lives, that we fail to notice its presence most of the time. A recent social media campaign asked women to self-identify if they have been harassed or assaulted due to their gender. While many simply (and bravely) acknowledged having this experience, others made comments about how this was just a part of the fabric of life-  that the expectation of being harassed was not something they considered often, because it was ever present.  In this way, fear can become so pervasive it’s imperceptible.  What impact does this ever-present experience of fear have on the psyche?  

I think this insidious experience of fear is also a part of people’s lives in other ways. Those who are targeted for harassment or abuse for reasons of identity- be it racial, religious, or something else- have expressed much the same. Still others may find they are living with fear that is more individual in nature. Whichever it is, when one has been the focus of animosity over significant amounts of time- be it years or millenia, one can become numb to the prickle of fear in the everyday. Perhaps this is better than feeling continually anxious. Perhaps growing numb allows us to be active in our lives. But I wonder what the cost is? Do we become complacent? Do we begin to accept the culture of harassment in which we live? The question of the whether the trade-offs are worthwhile is likely an individual one. However, if you are ever struggling with this question, or are finding yourself out of balance, there are people to talk to… including your Kesher social worker. Sometimes a simple conversation can be a great first step toward naming a problem and beginning to find a solution. 

Rose Murrin, LICSW, is the Kesher social worker at Congregation Beth Sholom.  Kesher is the congregational outreach program of Jewish Family Service of Rhode Island, funded by the Jewish Alliance of Greater Rhode Island, and currently active at Congregation Agudas Achim, Temple Torat Yisrael, Temple Emanu-El  and Congregation Beth Sholom.  Tara may be reached at 401-331-1244 or rose@jfsri.org.