Ideas for Renewing and Revitalizing our Lives This Spring

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Ideas for Renewing and Revitalizing our Lives This Spring

By Tara Watkins, LICSW

Spring has officially arrived!  Days are becoming longer and warmer. Spring holidays, such as Passover, that celebrate the theme of hope and renewal, are right around the corner. What better time than now to begin to think more fully about how we might revitalize and renew ourselves?  Here are a few tips:

De-clutter: physical, mental, and emotional purging

When we think of renewal we often think of rebirth. Mental and emotional clutter often gets in the way of actualizing this experience.  Many gardening experts recommend trimming back old branches on plants in early spring before new buds emerge to help keep a plant blooming at its fullest potential. Our lives parallel this example. Each spring we are reminded to reassess and  “cut back” what is weighing us down, sapping our energy, and holding us back from fulfilling our hopes and dreams. We may need to challenge the negative or limiting thoughts we have about ourselves and how things “should be,” rather than accepting how they truly are, in order to more fully embrace our actual life as it is here and now.

Getting rid of physical things we no longer need can be hard, but a good place to begin. Identifying something as clutter often has more to do with how we feel about it than how it might necessary look in our home. If you are having a hard time parting with something, I recommend focusing first on those belongings that have a negative association.  For example, holding onto possessions such as clothing, home décor or correspondence given to us from past partners (especially if these were toxic relationships) usually only serve to bring us down. Instead, try to focus on keeping things that inspire or motivate.

Explore a new spiritual practice

Daily spiritual activities, such as yoga or meditation, offer a chance to renew ourselves more fully in the moment. They can be a gift we give our true selves. Additionally, reading sacred texts, either our own tradition or those of others, helps connect us to the larger community. This feeling of connection forms a foundation for rebirth, both within us as well as our greater community.

Start something completely new.

Focus on spring as a time of new beginnings and resolve to do something you’ve always wanted to do but never felt you had the time for. Maybe it’s time to begin taking more care of your physical health, start volunteering, or begin to explore that creative streak?

I encourage you to begin slowly, one change at a time, gradually adding others as you go. It’s a good idea to begin making small changes first, as this is usually more manageable and helps set us up for success and a desire to continue trying new things. Remember that it’s never too late to fulfill a dream-we might just need to adapt the way we go about trying to achieve it.

 Spend more time outdoors.

Lingering outside when spring arrives can be especially beneficial. One study conducted by the University of Michigan found that during Spring when participants spent at least 30 minutes outside, the warmth and sunshine positively impacted their mental health and overall mood.  As time spent outside increased, researchers found that study participants experienced improved mood and memory as well as increased openness to new information and creative thoughts.  

"Being outside in pleasant weather really offers a way to re-set your mindset," says Matthew Keller, the post-doctoral researcher who led this psychology study. He explains that although most people think weather affects mood previous research tested this theory and found no relationship. “We did find that there are two important variables: how much time you spend outside and what the season is. If you go from winter to spring and spend enough time outside, there's a noticeable change."

 Keller stresses, "life is full of color and life is fun. It's easy to forget that during the wintertime."

Slow Down

Life moves so quickly, we seem to always be “plugged in” in some way or another through our smartphones, and various other digital gadgets. We are surrounded with constant stimulation from information. It can be hard to quiet down our minds, or just slow down enough in general to have true quality time that is “unplugged” with our families.  One way we might be able to achieve this is to have one location in our homes where we store all our smart devices (such as a basket). When we walk through the door, all devices are placed here and only retrieved during specific times. This allows some families to feel like they reclaim family time as well as some time for themselves.

Simplifying helps us rethink what is most meaningful in our lives and if have lost our way from this. We might reflect on: What do we value most? How much quality time do we spend with people we love and doing the things we most care about? What is the best way to use our time to create the life we want?

Hopefully, these tips have encouraged you to reflect on what is most meaningful and “spring” into a life that is more fully your own.  Welcome to Spring!

If you want to implement some of the suggested tips but find yourself struggling to do so, as the Kesher social worker for Emanu-el I am here to help you work through these challenges. I can also explore potential supportive services, if needed. My contact information is: 401-527-7772 or tara@jfsri.org. I also hold monthly Shabbat drop in hours in the main temple office. My next drop in hours are Saturday, April 7^th.

Rose Murrin is the Kesher social worker at Congregation Beth Sholom. Kesher is the congregational outreach program of Jewish Family Service of Rhode Island, funded by the Jewish Alliance of Greater Rhode Island, and currently active at Congregation Agudas Achim, Temple Torat Yisrael, Temple Emanu-El, Temple Sinai  and Congregation Beth Sholom. Rose may be reached at rose@jfsri.org or 401-331.1244.

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References: 

Brenner, Abigail, M.D, 7 “Rituals” for Spring Renewal, Psychology Today, March 28, 2013.

Khazan, Olga, “How Spring Opens the Mind” The Atlantic. March 21, 2014.

https://www.theatlantic.com/health/archive/2014/03/how-spring-opens-the-mind/284572/

Science News, October 7, 2004, University of Michigan. https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2004/10/041006082239.html

A Reflection on Parenting...by Amy Small

“The Joys and Oys of Parenting”¹

By Amy Small, LICSW

Some of you may have had the pleasure of attending the recent talk at the Jewish Community Center by one of the authors of the book, The Joys and Oys of Parenting.  While I was unable to make that event, I have been reading their book and would like to share one of the topics here: The Peaceful Home.

Picture this scenario:

“The household is in an uproar.  Everyone is upset at everyone else.  There is yelling, no one is listening…. And the doorbell rings.  It’s a neighbor.  Suddenly, everyone calms down; they’re not only polite to the neighbor, but also to one another.  When the neighbor leaves, lo and behold, life goes back to something more like “normal” and the argument is left behind.”¹

The authors call this the “Neighbor Test” and describe how this shows that we “all value having a peaceful home,” but that it is “easy to lose sight of that ideal”.¹ They reflect that the presence of a neighbor somehow “engages our better temperaments and behavior”. ¹ Somehow, everyone snaps out of the argument and chaos, but how?  I think a bit of mindful attention is coming into play here.  While we are in an argument or a stressful situation, it is hard to see anything else, even things we deeply care about like our love for our family members.  Defending our position, discussing a past transgression, lamenting a lost privilege, or other thoughts, take over both the parents’ and the child’s minds.  While these things may need addressing, if emotions are running high, it is hard for anything to be accomplished effectively. 

If we could have a neighbor surprise the family like in the above scenario, everyone might have the chance to regroup and re-engage with each other more constructively.  Do we have to wait for a neighbor to visit for this to happen?  No!  We have tools always available to simulate the “Neighbor Test” and bring ourselves into the present moment- our 5 senses!  Here is a fun and grounding trick to try that I like to call the “Color Trick”.  When emotions or general chaos is running high for yourself or the household, identify a color for you or the family.  Then, everyone glances around the room, from right where they are, and notices everything that is that color.  When our mind is captured by the present moment and our attention is brought to a bodily sense, it is hard for our minds to keep spinning out of control.  A calmness and increased ability to be engaged and listen may be more accessible to all family members at this point.  Now the task of getting out of the house, dealing with a consequence, or eating the broccoli seems more possible.  At the very least, everyone has a chance to bring their best selves to the situation just like they did with the neighbor.  Experiment with this trick for yourself and your family!  There are no rules.  You can say what you see out loud or silently.  You can notice, point to, or touch the items.  You can do multiple colors.  You can do multiple senses!  A variation on the color trick is an exercise where each person stops to notice one thing for each sense, sight, sound, touch, smell, and (maybe more challenging) taste.  You and your family might even find this fun, which is always a plus when things have gotten out of hand!  Rabbi Philmus at Torat Yisrael shared the trick of doing something silly that gets everyone laughing or at least gives them a moment to pause from the challenging time.  Once a new habit like this gets started, kids may get more involved too and even initiate one of these tricks when they see things are getting heated!      

                What if your kids don’t buy into these tricks?  No problem!  It is a great self-care tool to keep your own cool in a stressful situation.  If we can keep our cool, we are better able to see solutions we may not see otherwise, avoid doling out consequences we can’t follow up on, and respond with compassion and clarity rather than react with an “emotionally charged comeback”.¹  Sharing what we are doing with the child helps model this type of self-care and self-regulation skill.  Taking our own ‘time out’ where we stop engaging with a child for a period of time and focus on a self-care tool can be very powerful in modelling self-control and providing us a break from the intensity of the situation.  You can do the color trick, count to ten, take some deep breaths, or even go to another room for a few moments.    

The authors of “The Joys and Oys of Parenting” remind us that “a peaceful home is not a place where no one ever gets angry”.¹  Anger is “healthy and normal” and “it’s what we do with that anger that counts”. ¹  The authors quote the Talmud, “When a wise man loses his temper, he loses his wisdom.” ¹  I think it is safe to say that we have all experienced this at one time or another and experienced the unintended aftereffects.  So, how do we experience anger without losing control of it, especially when we are under the stress that chaotic family life often provides?  First, how do we recognize anger rather than be taken over by it?  There are often “physical signals” like sweating, flushed face, a fast heartbeat, teary-ness, shaking, clenched muscles, or a tight jaw that occur to a small or large degree. ¹  Once we have noticed these signals, we can use a tool like the color trick, deep breathing, or taking a break from the situation to cool down. ¹  When we get some distance from the situation and the initial emotion, we may see that another emotion was hidden under the “rug” of anger such as worry, exhaustion, disappointment, or embarrassment. ¹  After the intensity of emotion has lessened a bit and we have a clearer idea of what is going on for ourselves, we can then put our feelings into words more clearly and address the situation constructively.  For example, after a heated debate about a child’s refusal to pick up their shoes, it might sound like this: “I realize I’ve been raising my voice and am sounding angry.  I apologize.  Actually, I am tense today for totally different reasons than your shoes.  I needed a minute and a way to take a step back to realize that.  Let’s try again.”  It may have been a stressful phone call earlier, worries about your child’s school performance, or a difficult day at work that contributed to the emotions of the moment, but now you can more clearly and constructively address the issue at hand with less emotional reactivity.  This is great modeling of self-regulation and self-expression for our children.

When our own emotions are clearer and calmer, we are able to see what may be under the “rug” of our children’s initial feelings or behaviors as well.  We can then speak to those feelings, helping them “build a vocabulary to communicate what is going on inside” rather than acting it out.¹   For example, maybe your 4-year-old had trouble playing with a friend that day or your 14-year-old got a disappointing grade or felt left out at school.  Either of them might just be feeling unsettled that day for reasons they don’t understand.  When we are more grounded and calm ourselves, we can see the signs that something is off with our child and tune into that as well.  The shoes still need to get picked up, but hopefully it can happen with a little less anger and frustration once difficult emotions have been acknowledged.  It can be difficult to sit with our true emotions, both as children and adults, but being mindful of these can help us create a peaceful home where we can stay connected to our values regarding our families and loved ones.  

Rose Murrin, LICSW, is your Kesher social worker at the synagogue.  Kesher is the congregational outreach program of Jewish Family Service of Rhode Island, funded by the Jewish Alliance of Greater Rhode Island, and currently active at Congregation Agudas Achim, Temple Torat Yisrael, Temple Emanu-El  and Congregation Beth Sholom. Rose may be reached at rose@jfsri.org or 401-331-1244.

¹Elias, M. J., Gootman, M. E., & Schwartz, H. L. (2016). The joys & oys of parenting: insight and wisdom from the Jewish tradition. Springfield, NJ: Behrman House.