The Challenges of Caregiving

The Challenges of Caregiving

Jane to the group: “Do you ever think about what it will be like to be like them? To be on the periphery of people’s lives?”

Ruth: “All of the time.” 

This exchange occurred recently in a caregiver support group that I was running. It was an intense moment, filled with sadness over the diminishment of a parent’s abilities, both physical and social, and fear for the members’ own futures. The role of caregiver to a loved one can be both mundane and unfamiliar.  As it is with many of life’s more challenging moments and roles, people adapt, and find a rhythm of activity that fits their lives and the needs of their loved ones. However, there are times when a caregiver has a moment to reflect and diverse emotions may surface: gratitude for being able to provide, weariness at the unpredictable nature and duration of the job, an awareness that one day they too may need care, and that the need for care can be just as daunting as the provision of it. In these moments, the weight of this responsibility and its meaning may become more noticeable, more burdensome. And in these critical times, some form of support can be a sanity saver or simply the tool that allows a caregiver to continue on.

So what does this help look like? It may begin with an awareness that while many of us are happy to be care givers, we must also, at times, be care receivers.  Care or support means different things for different people. Some caregivers look for a friend or support group to lean on. Both options provide an empathetic ear, a place to express the things that not just anyone will understand, to laugh or cry or both. For others, arranging practical help with caregiving responsibilities is the appropriate reinforcement; friends and family may offer the caregiver an extra hand or momentary break, but sometimes there aren’t enough people around to meet the need. At these times, looking into a paid home care or a respite program may be a valuable option. The choices in this area are as numerous as are the types of needs.  From paying for a CNA to provide hands-on care to having a volunteer visit for a few hours per week so the caregiver can get out to see friends, run errands, or simply be alone, help is out there.

Jewish Family Service recently launched a caregiver respite program called Partners in Care, funded by Legacy Corps, that matches volunteers with caregiving families living in the community. These volunteers can provide friendly visits, companionship, participation in recreational activities and errands, and transportation.  Partners in Care strives to decrease caregiver burden and stress, and increase the potential of the caregiver to sustain loved ones at home.  Sometimes just knowing that an afternoon free is coming can help get a person through a particularly difficult or disheartening day. And perhaps the time at the salon, or the coffee shop with friends can provide the renewal needed to refocus on the joy and love in the relationship with the care receiver.

If you happen to be a caregiver, I hope you have the supports you need to live a balanced life and have the energy to lead it. If you are struggling to find what you need, please reach out. As the Kesher social worker at Congregation Beth Sholom, I am available to help at (401)331-1244 or rose@jfsri.org.

Rose Murrin, LICSW, is the Kesher social worker at Temple Congregation Beth Sholom.  Kesher is the congregational outreach program of Jewish Family Service of Rhode Island, generously funded by the Jewish Alliance of Greater Rhode Island, and currently active at Congregation Agudas Achim, Temple Torat Yisrael, Congregation Beth Sholom and Temple Emanu-El.  She can be reached at rose@jfsri.org or 401-331-1244.

Intention vs Resolution

This is an article written by a colleague in the Kesher program. While it is a little late making it to the blog, it is still an interesting read. In fact, if your resolutions have fallen away, the timing may be perfect! Enjoy!

Starting the New Year “with intent” rather than “resolution”  

By Tara Watkins, LICSW 

The start of the new secular year finds many of us reassessing our lives, much as one might around the High Holidays.  Perhaps we are still grappling with things in our lives that we hoped to have addressed and moved on from in 2016. Maybe struggles with finances, career, or personal relationships continue to weigh us down.  Or we might still not feel fully comfortable with the person staring back at us in the mirror every morning. Ongoing issues and concerns have a way of continuing to surface, despite our best efforts to avoid them. 

Now, I’d like to you to think about how many of these concerns you have previously tried to address through “New Year Resolutions,” whether in 2016 or a previous year.  Unfortunately, the term “resolution” in and of itself may be part of the problem. 

For 2017, I encourage you to consider a new approach. Consider what you’d like to accomplish as “intentions” rather than “resolutions.”  Often times when we think about past resolutions many were thoughts of what we should have or be, rather than what we truly wanted.  This contrast between “should” and “want” frequently develops into internal conflict between what we should be doing and what we really want to do. And, if our heart is ultimately not into making something a reality, then it is usually not attainable or realistic. 

Changing our mindset to be that of “intention” not “resolution” implies ongoing effort. It also allows for adapting intentions as our lives develop in the coming year, while still remaining true to what we originally wanted to accomplish. For example, if you decide you’d like to start a new career path but then are hit with a new financial responsibility, perhaps adapting your career intention might allow you to continue pursuing this goal but also allow for time to assess if a new job is realistic for the moment or if it should wait until the new financial concern has been addressed. By continuing to work with our intentions through both the easy and challenging times, we stop ourselves from falling prey to the strict timelines or all-or-nothing approaches that often plague resolutions.  

Above all else, please remember to be gentle with yourself. Life throws curve balls that may make us stumble. But, if we bend as needed and persevere with intent, we are still able to adapt to the changing needs of our lives and not feel that we are failing at what we set out to accomplish. We are allowed to celebrate the journey, not just the destination. 

As always, as the Kesher social worker for Congregation Beth Sholom, I am available to help congregants and their families address issues that may surface throughout the year. Please contact me at either 331-1244 or rose@jfsri.org. Wishing you a successful year of living with intent.