Intention vs Resolution

This is an article written by a colleague in the Kesher program. While it is a little late making it to the blog, it is still an interesting read. In fact, if your resolutions have fallen away, the timing may be perfect! Enjoy!

Starting the New Year “with intent” rather than “resolution”  

By Tara Watkins, LICSW 

The start of the new secular year finds many of us reassessing our lives, much as one might around the High Holidays.  Perhaps we are still grappling with things in our lives that we hoped to have addressed and moved on from in 2016. Maybe struggles with finances, career, or personal relationships continue to weigh us down.  Or we might still not feel fully comfortable with the person staring back at us in the mirror every morning. Ongoing issues and concerns have a way of continuing to surface, despite our best efforts to avoid them. 

Now, I’d like to you to think about how many of these concerns you have previously tried to address through “New Year Resolutions,” whether in 2016 or a previous year.  Unfortunately, the term “resolution” in and of itself may be part of the problem. 

For 2017, I encourage you to consider a new approach. Consider what you’d like to accomplish as “intentions” rather than “resolutions.”  Often times when we think about past resolutions many were thoughts of what we should have or be, rather than what we truly wanted.  This contrast between “should” and “want” frequently develops into internal conflict between what we should be doing and what we really want to do. And, if our heart is ultimately not into making something a reality, then it is usually not attainable or realistic. 

Changing our mindset to be that of “intention” not “resolution” implies ongoing effort. It also allows for adapting intentions as our lives develop in the coming year, while still remaining true to what we originally wanted to accomplish. For example, if you decide you’d like to start a new career path but then are hit with a new financial responsibility, perhaps adapting your career intention might allow you to continue pursuing this goal but also allow for time to assess if a new job is realistic for the moment or if it should wait until the new financial concern has been addressed. By continuing to work with our intentions through both the easy and challenging times, we stop ourselves from falling prey to the strict timelines or all-or-nothing approaches that often plague resolutions.  

Above all else, please remember to be gentle with yourself. Life throws curve balls that may make us stumble. But, if we bend as needed and persevere with intent, we are still able to adapt to the changing needs of our lives and not feel that we are failing at what we set out to accomplish. We are allowed to celebrate the journey, not just the destination. 

As always, as the Kesher social worker for Congregation Beth Sholom, I am available to help congregants and their families address issues that may surface throughout the year. Please contact me at either 331-1244 or rose@jfsri.org. Wishing you a successful year of living with intent.

Looking into the Darkness

Darkness

As we enter December and near the shortest day of the year, we often find ourselves longing for light. The beauty of the candles in the Menorah, the twinkling of the stars in the cold, clear sky  are inspiring, calming and can bring great hope for what is to come. How wonderful these can be when our days begin and end in darkness! This year, I wonder if it is not helpful to also appreciate the darkness.  Perhaps the night that surrounds the candles we light can be just as important as the light itself.

This time where little grows is important to what is come. The bulbs that need a hard frost to bloom are getting just what they need in the darkness of the ground and the darkness of the days. In some ways, we too need this time. No life is without some darkness. Sometimes that darkness is a shadow of sadness or loss that is difficult to endure. Sometimes it is the absence of the light of hope. And while we could do without these, they are a part of the fabric of life. But at other times that darkness is the peace of night after a hard day’s work, or a shadow cast over us on an intensely hot and sunny day. What appreciation we can have for that shadow! I find myself wondering this year, what we might discover if we take a moment to appreciate the dark. Sitting in this time and space, focusing our eyes on the darkness rather than searching out the things we see with light, will darkness cease to be a blanket, a monochromatic field? Will it shift to greys, blues, purples? Perhaps we will begin to sense not with our eyes, but more clearly with our other senses. What room there may be for internal calm and peace? What space might be found for dreams and inspiration?  The darkness may begin to represent a blank slate, the moment before an act of creation. In this time and space, we may find the potential for something as yet unimagined.

This is not to suggest we embrace depression or sadness as the good we strive for, but simply allow room for the darkness that is good- the night that lets us rest, the relief from all the noise and lights that surround us in our daily life.  If we can learn to appreciate the goodness that we find in the darkness, we might find ourselves refreshed and better able to appreciate the beauty that is the light.

If you find yourself struggling with a difficult darkness, either internal or external, please know that I am here to assist you in finding whatever help you may need.