When you think of caregivers, who do you think of? Parents,
adult children caring for
parents, siblings, spouses, friends, neighbors….. the list goes on and
on. This is perhaps because if we live in any form of community, we find
ourselves in the roles of caregiver and
care recipient (at the very least, in infancy!). To provide comfort,
assistance, companionship to another is to be a caregiver. This can be both
fulfilling and, at times, strenuous. As we move through life, we may move
through roles on both sides of the equation in simple ways- receiving a cup of tea from a friend on a hard
day, calming a fussing child, bringing a meal to a new family.
There are times, however, when the role of caregiver becomes
fixed in our lives for weeks, months or years. This might be when a parent is
no longer able to be as independent as they once were, when a partner becomes
ill or injured, or another loved one needs care in unexpected ways or lengths
of time. Whether these roles grow gradually or happen quickly, the person
providing care takes on the role of caregiver for another. With this comes the
responsibility, worry and work that go into doing this job.
The latest research shows that those who are caregivers
often live longer, are overall happy and feel good about their roles as
caregivers. Good news in the face of a
couple of older, less positive studies. Yet, in the day to day, care giving can
be wearing. The strain of worry, of juggling doctor’s appointments, work,
arranging caretakers, etc can build. Often caregivers are operating with few
supports, allowing little time for self-care, time away, or simply time alone.
When this is the case, it can be so easy to find oneself snapping at the care
recipient (and many others!), feeling guilty for not being more patient, more
kind, more whatever it is the strain saps away. So what can you do if you are
in this situation?
As with so many other things, there is no “one
size fits all.” Some find that locating resources to provide respite
or off load other responsibilities helps. Some find comfort in joining a
caregiver support group, where they can share and learn from others who are
walking similar paths. Others may find an outlet in speaking with a good friend
or the rabbi. Ultimately, whatever thing or combination of things provides the
support needed to be renewed, refreshed and able to make the best decisions in
the day to day, is unique to each individual.
The important part is recognizing signs of strain and trying different
ways to ease the burden, so that you can be the caregiver you want to be.
If you are a caregiver,
and are looking for resources, support or a friendly ear, please feel free to
reach out to your congregational Kesher social worker, Rose Murrin, at the
number or email below.
Rose Murrin is the
Kesher social worker at the synagogue.
Kesher is the congregational outreach program of Jewish Family Service
of Rhode Island, funded by the Jewish Alliance of Greater Rhode Island, and
currently active at Congregation Agudas Achim, Temple Torat Yisrael, Temple Am
David, Temple Emanu-El and Congregation Beth Sholom. She can be reached at rose@jfsri.org or 401-369-0160.
